Coming Into Consciousness: Thoughts with Chess

The Foundation

From birth to about eighteen, life is set up for you to be a dependent. Everything is decided for you, shaped around you, and managed by those raising you. From the very beginning, you’re being taught how to live, what to believe, how to behave—before you even know you’re being shaped.

But once you graduate high school—once you “divorce” your parents in that symbolic sense—you enter a different stage: independence. And I’m not just talking about paying bills or getting your own place. I’m talking about internal independence—emotional, mental, and spiritual ownership of your life.

The Conversation

My little sister is right at that threshold now—graduation day is coming, and she’s feeling the pressure. She asked me for advice, and I told her what I wish someone told me:

For your entire life, you’ve depended on someone. That’s how life works. We—your family—taught you everything. The good and the bad. How to be kind, how to be mean. How to lie, how to cheat, how to steal, how to feel. That wasn’t natural—you learned it from us.

We gave you habits—some helpful, some harmful. We handed you your insecurities, your instincts, your fears, your emotional responses, your triggers. We even passed on your morals and values. Some of what we gave you was right. Some of it wasn’t. But all of it was passed down to keep you afloat in this world—even if it wasn’t the best way. It was our way.

Independence vs Rebellion

Now, you might say, “I’ve been independent—I’ve made my own decisions.” But let’s be honest—doing things behind closed doors, sneaking out, hiding choices—that’s not real freedom. That’s rebellion. That’s reacting to control, not living from clarity.

True independence starts when you no longer need permission. When your decisions don’t require hiding. When someone disapproves and your answer is still, “This is my life.” That’s when you take ownership. That’s when you step fully into adulthood.

The Real Message

This is the part I really want you to hear: Coming into independence is really about coming into consciousness.

It’s about becoming aware of what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and where those choices come from. It’s realizing that your desires, beliefs, and patterns might not even be yours—they might just be what you inherited. But now, you get to decide what to keep and what to let go.

You’re fully in control now. That’s a lot of power—but also a lot of pressure. You get to test everything you’ve been taught. You get to create your own values. You get to build a new worldview that’s actually yours.

The Work of Growth

And I’ll be real with you—this process is hard. Sorting through all the emotional weight you’ve been carrying isn’t easy. It takes self-reflection. It takes accountability. It takes grace. It takes emotional intelligence. It takes the patience to unlearn and relearn everything.

But here’s the truth: nobody expects you to be perfect. That’s not what this is about. You’re allowed to be human. You’re allowed to feel, to react, to get it wrong sometimes. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s pursuit. Pursuit of growth. Pursuit of truth. Pursuit of becoming conscious and intentional in how you move through life.

What matters is that you keep showing up. That you keep asking questions. That you keep trying. That’s how growth happens.

Conscious Choice-Making

Making choices doesn’t always mean you’re conscious. A lot of people live on autopilot. They think they’re free, but they’re still being driven by old pain, inherited fear, or someone else’s voice.

That’s why it’s important to check in with yourself. Ask yourself what you want—and more importantly, why you want it. That’s the real freedom. Not just doing what you want, but understanding why you want it in the first place.

Final Reflection

Not everyone chooses this path. Not everyone wakes up to themselves. Consciousness is offered to everyone, but not everyone accepts it. Some stay stuck in cycles they never question. But you don’t have to.

You get to live differently. You get to grow deeper. You get to do the hard inner work. You get to show up fully—flaws and all—and still give yourself grace. That’s the real mission.

If you remember anything, let it be this: You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present. Keep learning. Keep questioning. Keep evolving.

Life is going to teach the lessons either way—it’s up to you how you grow from them.

This is your time now. Step into it. That’s how you come into independence. That’s how you come into consciousness.